


Gay Wizard Liberation Front

by Cracky_Kinda_Wacky (Drarry_Quite_Contrary), isthisagoodbit (louminosity), Ravenclaw_Cait



Series: Fanatical Fam Discord Crackfic Chaos [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic Chaos, Everyone Is Gay, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, M/M, Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter), Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them, Revolution, do not post on other sites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drarry_Quite_Contrary/pseuds/Cracky_Kinda_Wacky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/louminosity/pseuds/isthisagoodbit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Cait/pseuds/Ravenclaw_Cait
Summary: Sirius gets control of the Gay Wizard Liberation Front and overtakes the Ministry
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Fanatical Fam Discord Crackfic Chaos [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997626
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: Fanatical Fam's Crackfic Chaos





	Gay Wizard Liberation Front

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Crackfic written by the Fanatical Fam over on the discord for the Fanatical Fics and Where To Find Them podcast!  
> These fics have been created using our favourite bot - Chocolate Frogs - during a game we like to call Crackfic Chaos.

It was a dark and stormy night. Sirius peered out the dingy window of his room at number 12 Grimmuald Place. He hates the summer holidays. It meant he wouldn’t be able to see Remus for 3 whole months. He could always bother Reg or Kreacher...but it wasn’t nearly enough to forget his longing for the boy. Sirius sighed forlornly. He stubbornly kicked the leg of his wardrobe. 

“Oh Merlin’s fucking elbow knob!” Sirius cursed. And just like that. The inside of his wardrobe started emanating a weird light and from the depths of the wardrobe, gay wizards started marching out, one by one, perfectly in sync to Brittany Spear’s Toxic which started playing loudly in the background. 

Sirius stared at the gay wizards in awe as they all turned to him, awaiting his command. He had his own army of gay wizards to make all his dreams come true. Dreams he didn’t dare to dream. Sirius looked at the gay wizard army, all dressed for battle in colourful leather ensembles. 

“GAY WIZARDS ASSEMBLE” he cried and they turned as one to face him, still perfectly in time with Toxic. Sirius knew his time had come, the SexiestMarauder accompanied by an army of gay wizards. 

“We March on The Ministry” Sirius cried. “Viva la revolution!”. The music changed to “who run the world” by Beyoncé as the entire gay wizards army marched in perfect unison towards the ministry of Magic, with Sirius at the helm flying the flag of pride.

They soon realized that it would be difficult to fit an entire wizard army into the red phone booth. 

“Well,” said Sirius’s gayest second in command, James, “I’m not sure we really thought this through. As we are all underage, this is the only way in. What do we do?” Sirius scratched his head. it would take far too long to get the army in one by one. 

Sirius suddenly had a brilliant idea! Waving his wand, he shrunk the entire army down to the size of pins and popped them into the pokeball he kept for just such occasions. He and James entered the lift, and went down into the bowels of the ministry. 

Once in the atrium, Sirius pulled the pokeball out of his pocket and shouted “WIZARD ARMY, I choose YOU”. With that, thousands of soldiers poured into the ministry, sashaying their way to the office of the Minister for Magic. 

With the wizard army making it’s way through ministry forces, Sirius smiled to himself. Like any proud Pokemon trainer, he stood back and called the shots, while the army did all the work. Breaking noses, destroying both property and capitalism. You know, the usual “DOWN WITH THE MINISTRY! UP GOES THE GAYS! DOWN WITH THE MINISTRY! UP GOES THE GAYS!” The Gay Wizard Liberation Front chanted as they overturned desks. 

From now on every household will be given a sex hammer, no matter their income. Sex hammers are for everyone. Before all desks were overturned, several of the gays started fornicating all over them. Hammers summoned from all corners of the Department of Sex Mysteries. The banging could be heard by every Ministry employee. When people came to see the commotion, the scent of sex and banging of hammers was intoxicating.

Like a drum song calling to battle, every Ministry employee began to thrust in time with the hammers. Sirius, having put on some handy dandy earplugs in before the spell went off, sauntered over the place he so desperately needed to go to. 

Meanwhile, the ministry employees slowly formed a circle as they continued to thrust, making a perfect sexcle. Forward. Backward. Don’t you know that you’re toxiiiiioc? their loins and genitals and naked bodies writhed in perfect synchronised movement with the glorious music from Queen Britney. The air was punctuated by grunts and moans, and as the music reached climax, so did they. The final notes were drowned out by everyone in the sexcle, screaming and moaning their glorious climaxes. 

As the music faded away, they knew they had done it, the ministry was overthrown, and the sex had been life changing. Now the whole world knew, all wizards were gay. 

The end.


End file.
